My Name Is Ozymandias, King Of Kings:
Look On My Mustache, Ye Mighty, And Despair!


Congratuations, gentlemen! You have nearly completed the daunting task of wearing a charity Mustache for a full month! In four short weeks, you've raised your 'Staches from wee babes and trained them into robust philanthropical warriors, in the process raising more than $47,000 for charity. Growers, we salute you!

Mustache Fight!
Ave, Mustaches! Morituri te salutamus!

And now, like the gladiators of old, you must battle for supremacy in the no-holds-barred cage match that is the 2009 Sweetest Mustache Competition! Below you'll find some strategy hints for the competition itself, and some instructions on what will be expected of you. In no particular order:
  • Have Any Paper Donations Organized & Ready - Though the fundraising this year has been accomplished largely online, some of you may have received donations of cash or checks in the past month. Please bring them to the 'Stache Bash in an envelope with your name and the total dollar amount contained (in both cash and check form) written on the outside.
  • Costumes - Some people like to dress up for 'Stache Bash in an outfit that embodies the Spirit of their Mustache. This is perfectly legal, but is NOT REQUIRED. If you choose not to come dressed up as, say, Magnum P.I., the Judges won't hold it against you. On the other hand, if the spirit moves you, it can't hurt. We do recommend, however, that you dress sharp -- most growers not in a costume wear a jacket and tie.
  • Be On time - This is so important we probably should have put it first. So instead, we'll put it again.
  • Be On Time - Seriously, we can't emphasize this enough. Be at Galapagos at 7:00 pm SHARP! We will start the competition as soon after eight o'clock as we can get everybody organized. We've got almost 100 Growers this year, and we can't afford to dilly-dally. Also, only after checking in will you get the ticket for your free t-shirt. And let me tell you, people, it is sweet.
  • Invite Your Friends - The more the merrier. Seriously, the sight of so many charity Mustaches paraded for their amusement is not one to be missed. And maybe they'll be so moved that they decide to donate right there.
  • Have Fun - "Relax! Let's have some fun out here! This game's fun, OK? Fun goddamnit. And don't hold the ball so hard, OK? It's an egg. Hold it like an egg." Seriously, no one expects you to have done any preparation. All you need to do is show up with a good attitude and a sweet, sweet Mustache.
  • Everyone Has A Chance To Win - Everyone who raised more than $50 for DonorsChoose.org gets to compete.  However, the judges will be adding bonus points to Growers based on both their total dollar amount raised as well as the total number of donors who sponsored that Grower.  Meaning, if you didn't set any dollar amount records, but you got EVERYBODY you know to give you a couple of bucks, that's good, too.  Every Grower has got a chance, but only if you're there!
  • Keep Those Mustaches Regulation - Don't disqualify yourself early by showing up with excess sideburns, a soul patch, or non-regulation handlebars. Corner to corner only, baby! Consult the rules section again if you're not clear on anything.
  • If You're Anything Like Us - Don't plan on doing much of anything on Sunday.